Day 48, Anxiety in Isolation - The Things I Didn't Realize

When the governor issued our stay at home order, and the schools moved to online learning, I was feeling thankful that my kids are now teens and pretty darn self-sufficient in managing their classwork. At 16 and 17, they are pretty self-sufficient at everything. Had this happened 5 years ago, I’m not sure I could juggle mom, teacher, and working from home, especially since they surpassed my math skills by middle school - oy.

My girls are like many - they use TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram, all of that, to keep in constant contact with their friends. Our home life looked pretty similar to pre-stay at home. But over the weeks, there has been an under-current of sadness and anxiety creeping into our daily lives that was just, different. Different than a fight with a friend. Different than a hormonal teenager. Different than the stress of balancing homework, clubs, and a social life. My youngest battles depression and anxiety every day, but I know what that looks like, and this was different from that, too. Now I hear laughing at something they saw on their phone one minute and the next is a face coming at me filled with intense sadness and a loss of motivation to do anything.

I don’t know why I didn’t anticipate having to help them navigate the darkness of isolation that came with the stay at home order. Maybe since their online contact with friends looked similar, I didn’t think it’d make such an impact. But this past month and half has really done a number on them. They are missing their friends - the hugs, the standing in each other’s personal space, bingeing Netflix intertwined on the couch. The comfort that only their friends can provide.

All I want is to go back to a time where my little girls would climb into my lap and snuggle when they were sad or hurt - when my kisses and hugs were enough to console even the heaviest heart. Right now, though, I feel as lost being a parent as they are being a kid.  There’s no right way to navigate what we’re all going through - I get that.  I’m also happy that their support systems have evolved over the years to include friends and teachers and other parents. But it is just hard. I want to hold them and tell them that it’s going to be alright.

I guess for now I just have to hold onto the hope that my hugs and I love yous are sinking in, that the FaceTime and zoom calls with friends help a little, and the daily encouragement to do something for their heart and mind will keep them going a little longer.

50 things to do besides homework

1. Give your brother or sister a hug
2. Write a letter to a friend
3. Take a nap
4. Drink 32 oz. of water
5. Binge a tv show you’ve been wanting to watch
6. Have a family movie night at home with all the fixings
7. Paint
8. Read a real book
9. Write a haiku
10. Journal
11. Organize your closet
12. Make a pile of clothes and shoes to donate
13. Bake something using a cookbook, not the web
14. Plant an herb garden
15. Eat a piece of fresh fruit
16. Sit outside, close your eyes and just listen
17. Go for a walk
18. Play a board game
19. Do a puzzle
20. Try out the House Party app with your friends
21. Do 100 jumping jacks
22. Call a family member
23. Write a letter to your teacher just to see how they’re doing
24. Research something you find interesting
25. Take 25 pictures, but only of everyday objects
26. Make a list of everything you are grateful for
27. Make a meal for your family
28. Snuggle your pets
29. Play ‘chubby bunny’ over FaceTime
30. Do all of the laundry (including folding and putting away)
31. Take a bath
32. Dress up and do a photo shoot
33. Make an indoor obstacle course
34. Train your dog to do a trick
35. Watch the stars
36. Play charades or Pictionary with your family or online with friends
37. Learn to change a tire or change the oil in the car
38. Teach yourself to play an instrument
39. Organize the kitchen cupboards
40. Call a neighbor to see how they are
41. Try out yoga
42. Learn another language
43. Do your times tables like 3^rd grade
44. Listen to music and sing at the top of your lungs
45. Laugh
46. Write a story or a song
47. Find your missing library and textbooks
48. Dance
49. Research careers you might like
50. Make a scavenger hunt for your family to follow